So I had my first PT appointment last night. It felt amazing on my neck and I had such range of motion! Then the session was over and she asked how I felt. Well, I went RIGHT back to where I was. I told her I still had stabbing pain from my shoulder to my jaw line. She asked if I had muscle weakness or loss of function do to pain. I told her that I couldn't lift my son to burp him on my shoulder. I can get him UP to that point but when I get to my shoulder level, I almost drop him. So she told me to hop up on the counter and she started messing with my shoulder. I almost blacked out in pain! She thinks I have a small tear in the cartilage in my shoulder. SURGERY.
Everyone was like, "Why didn't they catch it at the hospital?" It's because everyone assumed that the origin of the pain was my neck and my shoulder was the result. Turns out it's the opposite! The origin is my shoulder and the subsequent pain is my neck!
I left last night not knowing whether to cry, laugh, or sock the dickens out of something. Of course is all I have to say. . .OF COURSE! My friend Tish said that oftentimes this doesn't need surgery so that's what I'm hoping/praying for. At least I know I'm not retarded (okay, but not in this sense ;) ) . I was like, "How can it be 20 days after the accident and I am NO WHERE NEAR better?" I just KNEW something was wrong. CRUD.
In all honesty, I'm just frustrated at God. I have a real problem letting others help me. It seems that God keeps humbling me to a point where I'm needing to ask for help an awful lot. It's embarrassing to me and it's a deep PRIDE issue (since my first lupus attack). I just don't know what lesson he's having me learn but I'm to a point where he needs to just write it in the sky because I'm not seeing it! Ughn. . .I'm sorry but I'm sure you can hear how frustrated I am with this.
So I'll just keep a hopeful spirit until I can get in to get an MRI and another MRI with an injection of contrast (gag). Please pray for my spirits. I'm really taking my frustrations out on Mike and the kids. I am just short with them and it's not fair.
2 comments:
Hang in there Kimberly. I totally understand the desire for God to just write across the sky what he's trying to teach you. That sure would make things easier, wouldn't it?
I know it's hard to ask for help and let others do so much caring for you and your family. Maybe when you are starting to feel frustrated about having to have someone help you, take that time to sit and pray for the person who is helping you. Thank God for them and their helpful and willing spirit, and that you have them in your life to help you.
I wish I was closer and could offer a hug and not just words of encouragement (though I'd hug you gently!). I'll be praying for you and that some treatment decisions can be made quickly and put into effect quickly so that you finally start to have some healing.
I'm so sorry, Kimberly! I'll be praying you get some answers and relief soon.
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